Dual....:-)
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
