last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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