We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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