So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
