No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
