My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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