Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
