you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
