this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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