We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You can't motorboat a personality
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
