even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
