i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
