Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
