it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
