Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
