Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
