this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
