it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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