rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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