the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
