I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
