Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
