i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
