if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
