Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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