Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A bitchslap is in order.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
