some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
