he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
