ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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