Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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