but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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