you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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