i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
