so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
