when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
