I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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