you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
there is puke in my bra ... again
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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