My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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