Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have aggressive nipples.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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