So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
