There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
