she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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