I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
