I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
