everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
