Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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