Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
