dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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