I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is the high leading the old right now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
