I think i peed on brittanys purse
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
